The Lack of Balance: Catch Me I’m Falling!!!

      I have never been the most graceful person in the world.  Even on an average day it is normal for me to careen around corners like a bat out of hell leaving humongous bruises on my arms because I cut the corner entirely to short in my rush.  I even managed to give myself a concussion simply because I lost my balance once when I got up in the night to pee, effectively falling and banging my temple on the headboard of the bed.  That little catastrophe put me out of commission for a month.

     That is why only G0d himself could explain why when I was bigger than a house pregnant with my daughter that I decided to encourage my husband to rent a canoe to take out on the lake while we were camping.  Before I go any further, canoes are tipsy little things in the first place.

     Their overall construction would tell a normal person with even a shred of common sense that an overly pregnant lady shouldn’t even attempt to get in to one.  Even a skinny athletic person with a reasonable amount of balance can find that a canoe is a bit tipsy.  Looking back, I can’t even explain what my motivation was.   We rented the canoe , put it into the water, and prepared to get in.  It was at that illuminating moment I realized that my overly pregnant body might not be able to handle getting in or getting out of a canoe.  While my husband held my hand to balance me, I carefully put one foot into the boat.  The canoe rocked violently and with a scream I clutched at my husband with both hands terrified that I was doomed to take a plunge into the lake.  I had simply not taken into account that being pregnant would completely throw off my balance.  Live and learn I guess.

     Even all these years later I am still not a good judge of my own ability to balance.  A while back while at the store I leaned over this huge box filled with bags of potatoes in the hopes of snagging one to add to my shopping cart.  I found out the hard way that the cardboard box wouldn’t hold my weight and I fell face first into the potatoes laughing my fool head off as I sprawled spread eagle.  It turns out it is a lot easier to fall into potatoes than it is to scramble your way back out.  By the time I managed to crawl out, several other shoppers were gawking and snickering at my display.  I bounced up and dusted myself off trying to maintain my cool and failing miserably.  I couldn’t quite pull it off, because I couldn’t stop laughing.   That poor box wasn’t quite as strong as I thought it would be.

     One of these times I may just achieve perfect balance.  It isn’t bloody likely, but it could happen. Occasionally a moment of insanity hits and I dig out my Wii Fit board and take on the Yoga balance challenges.  Even that is laughable, because the only way I can get through them is to hang onto a kitchen chair.  So yes, I cheat at Wii Fit.  I admit it! It is better than falling on my face, and that perfectly poised avatar doesn’t know the difference.  No harm, no foul. 

  

     At this point in my life I have accepted that I am a klutz and have very little if no balance.   Some people are perfectly comfortable traipsing about on a tight rope, a balance beam, or riding a unicycle.  Sadly, I am not one of those people.  All I can do, is sit by and watch silently thanking the good Lord that I survived another day without ending up in traction.  I have accepted the fact that I was not put on this earth to amaze people by my ability to balance my a$$ on the wind.  For those amazing feats, you will have to look to someone else.  However,  if you are looking for a dazzling star for America’s Funniest Videos, then I am your girl!! 

     On the upside, I have  noticed that life as I know it is getting easier to balance as I grow older.   Perhaps there is hope for me after all!!   Until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

Funny Birthday Gift Idea for All

Are you boring about traditional birthday gift ideas? Try some different ones. Whether it is a certain style of comedy, a pie in the face or a practical joke, the funny gift ideas are always welcome in birthday party. It will surely make the atmosphere full of joy.

Personalized silly T-shirts and other attire with a funny logo are certain to make birthday celebrants laugh. Try to find general novelty shirts, or personalize a shirt to feature a joke which you can design yourself and have printed on a plain white T-shirt. For example, you can get your friend's infamous nicknames in college years printed on the back of the T-shirts or some joke words you can choose.

Buy him a book full of jokes or just a funny book. Comic books and funny books come in every variety. Books of jokes would be welcomed by some people enjoy reading jokes and others enjoy telling jokes in the birthday party. Or you can buy some funny movies, classic or current. For a fan of movie, a boxed set of a funny television series from Six Feet Under to Gilligan's Island is also welcome gift ideas.

Buy him a solar dancing cactus. Just give the cactus some light; he will not stop waving happily from side to side. Put it in a place where can get some sun and this green cactus with a sombrero on his head won't stop dancing. Everyone will laugh about this special gift.

Joke a day calendar. This will ensure a laugh every day of the year! He can display the funny desktop signs on his desk. It can be changed depending on his mood. For example, when the going gets tough, the manager is nowhere to be seen which make everyone in his office laugh.