The Change Will Do Me Good

I have never been a person that was big on change. Instead of embracing it, I tend to dread it. One of my best friends says the way people perceive change depends on their own attitude on it. I honestly had never thought about it before, but she is absolutely right.  Like the leaves that are changing into their festive fall finery before taking the last bow before winter and fluttering to the ground,  I have been forced to adjust to some changes.

All my life my fear of change tends to always work me into a real tizzy. This fall, a major life change has left me reeling. For the first time in 11 years, I am not joined at the hip by one or both of my kids. They have both left the nest for school. Once my youngest gets on the bus , I return to a very quiet, empty, lonely house. Yes, my menagerie of pets are still here, but they quickly find a comfortable spot and fall asleep leaving me very much to my own devices in silence. Silly as it sounds, it took me a couple of days to realize that it was OK if I wanted to play my tunes full blast, or watch that sappy chick flick that my kids snort at without complaint. The first time I actually ventured out of the house without my kids was even more of a shock to the system. Instead of being thrilled with this new found freedom, I find myself sad and depressed.

To make matters even worse, the website that I had put so much blood, sweat, and tears into has been abandoned and left to rot just when it was really beginning to take off. Why? The web host went out of business. Since it was their software program that allowed me to update the site, it seemed only a matter of time before that would no longer be available to me. Before, they kept me busy making money through their in house writing programs creating reviews. While it wasn’t a lot of money, I was getting paid weekly something for my efforts making my little website and all the work I put into it worthwhile. I began writing online for the money…period. It was not something I thought I was capable of doing. 

Over time, my purpose for writing changed. As I realized that writing really didn’t make me a whole lot of money, I began to discover I was writing more for the pleasure. It took me a very long time to get to the place where I developed a soul wrenching need to write, and discovered it to be enjoyable. I was completely amazed to find a whole slew of people that actually wrote and maintained a website for the fun of it. Over time, I joined their ranks. That is why when I was hit with the website crisis, I created a new one at blogger and started over from scratch.

Until further notice, while attempting to ride out the changes that seem to be over running my life at the moment, I will try to keep in mind that the change will do me good. Until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a truckers wife.