Curiosity

     They say curiosity killed the cat. I don’t know if curiosity ever killed anyone, but it can sure get you in a world of trouble. Unless you happen to be a curious little monkey like Curious George, I have found that a person eventually grows out of the need to be overly curious. People who don’t grow out of this curious stage become scientists.

     Of my own children my oldest was always the more curious of the two. She certainly was the most sneaky and between the ages of 1 or 2 tended to get herself into a world of $hit every time my back was turned. I can think of three separate occurrences that come to mind. Most things usually happened while I was either on the phone or in the bathroom. Even a trip to the laundry room to transfer the wash from the washer to the dryer could reap disastrous results! She would sneak away and the next thing I knew…all hell had broke loose.

     One time I left her happily playing with her toys and watching Sesame Street. Sometimes you simply have got to pee! She was quiet, and I never suspected any foul play. I came back to the living room to discover her gone. My heart began to beat a little faster as the panic set in. I called her name and began to search. She was a baby who could only crawl. How far could she get? As I rounded the corner and entered the kitchen I discovered my daughter had managed to get the Fry Daddy out of the bottom cupboard and dump the oil all over her and the floor and was happily waving her hands in the greasy goop. What a mess!! It hadn’t mattered that we had installed the Safety First locks on the cupboard doors, she had figured out not only how to get them open but managed to haul out the Fry Daddy and dump the contents.

     Another time the telephone rang. I don’t remember who was on the phone. It really doesn’t matter, the resulting disaster would have happened regardless. One minute my precious girl was happily entertained with her toys and the next she was gone. By the time I took up the search, I found her in the bathroom in the process of stuffing every single roll of toilet paper into the toilet. It wasn’t just one of those 4 packs either. I had bought an economy size package with multiple rolls. She had taken out every single roll and shoved them into the toilet. As for the roll that was beside the toilet, she had unwound it down until all that remained was the cardboard tube and it pooled around her on the floor. As I gasped in horror and shouted her name, she smiled and said “Mama”!

     There was also the day that my little scientist decided to shove a bar of soap into the VCR where unknown to anyone it melted and effectively screwed up the works. Every time I tried to put in a movie, the VCR would groan and spit it right back out. I peered inside and was horrified to discover a melted mass that smelled amazingly like Dial soap. Of course, my little darling was all innocence. It didn’t take much to figure out who had put the soap into the VCR.

     Curiosity does have its upsides. With every mistake, learning comes. She learned what goes in the Fry Daddy should stay in the Fry Daddy, toilets were not meant to accommodate that much toilet paper, and VCRs are for videocassettes not soap. The memories that are created from such incidents are delegated to family legend making up the fabric of our lives. Even without an owners manual on parenting  your kid, somehow you both survive.  That is all I have to say until the next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

Innocence

     Each of us is born into this world with no previous knowledge of what awaits us when we get here. From that first moment when we draw our first breath until our dying day when we breathe our last, our innocence is continuously chipped away. We learn the hard way most times that not everyone is nice, not everyone loves us, and not everything goes our way. Being a parent, I know first hand that feeling that overcomes one to keep your babies in a bubble in an attempt to protect them from all the bad things in life. Unfortunately by doing that, we squelch their chance to live and learn on their own.

     Back in the 1970’s when I was growing up, television was pretty tame. There were no VCR’s and the only way to check out an “R” rated movie was to grow up and go see one at the movie theater. Parents avoided having the “talk” at all costs and left kids in the dark about a lot of issues.

   

     I remember in the 6th grade when the girls were separated from the boys and to our collective embarrassment we were told about the birds and the bees and forced to watch an embarrassing movie that explained in the most scientific terms just where babies came from and exactly what our private parts were called and what we could do with them. On the most part, I think we were still pretty innocent and clueless even after the grand reveal. I remember being horrified to discover I would begin bleeding every month. Even though the powers that be assured us that it was all perfectly normal, it was still a subject that wasn’t to be discussed and if asked we were to keep it a big dirty secret. It was so embarrassing, and a little frightening!! It wasn’t a subject my mom ever talked to me about, and I sure as hell never had any intention of asking her about it except in the broadest of terms.

     I remember getting on the school bus to go home feeling completely mortified. Even though the girls had been warned not to discuss what had went on, the boys must have not gotten such a warning and several 6th grade boys were gathered in the back of the bus dissecting the details of their little meeting about the facts of life. In hindsight, the revelations that were shared that day were a little comical. I remember one boy exclaiming he had discovered he had “peanuts” and “testable” things in his pants. Anyone in earshot was appropriately amazed and horrified. I didn’t know what to think! People ate peanuts!! Why would they be in boys pants??

     Today’s generation of kids lose their innocence far quicker than previous generations. It is everywhere in full color for all to see. Not only are they a lot more worldly, they aren’t as embarrassed as I remember being. I have chosen to educate my kids and answer their questions as honestly and completely as I can. I feel it is much better to be informed and wise than ignorant, even if it screws up their innocent ideals far sooner. It is part of life. With the correct knowledge they can make better choices and I can keep them safe far better.

     It is a pity we can’t all stay innocent and child like forever. Unfortunately, that is not the way life is. It is a ticket headed straight for disaster to march through life with your head firmly planted up you’re a$$ oblivious. With that said, I still encourage my kids to believe in the magic of Santa Claus, to play with toys, the power and goodness of G0d, and to approach life with all the wonderment of a child and have fun. Why grow up any quicker than you have to? That is all I have to say until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

Before I Kick the Bucket List

     Have you ever sat down and thought about what you wanted to accomplish before you kicked the bucket?? Would you like to go skydiving, ride a bull, climb a mountain, love deeper, and try to make peace and forgive those you hadn’t before? Seeing my mom die at the age of 51 and my dad at 65, the ole bucket list has a little more meaning for me because mine includes all the things that the two of them missed out on through no fault of their own. It woke me up to the reality of how precious and short life is. If they hadn’t died so young I probably wouldn’t have had such an insight into this topic and realized that a lot of what is on my own bucket list was on theirs as well. I want to live each day knowing that maybe not today, but maybe tomorrow I can!

        I want to see both my kids grow up, marry, and have kids of their own settled and happy. I want to enjoy the overwhelming happiness of being the mother of the bride and groom. I look forward to gaining another son and daughter on the day of their marriages and welcoming them with open arms into the family. I want to hold each of my grandchildren, cherish them, and spend as much time with them as I can. Ideally I would love to see them grown and married pursuing their own lives with vigor. I want to see all the little things that matter most, and be there for the special moments of their lives from graduations to weddings. I want to be there to celebrate with them and comfort them in their times of sorrow. I want my kids, their significant others, and my grandkids to congregate at my house for good ole fashion family reunions filled with laughter and tons of food at every major holiday. I want them to never doubt for one millisecond how much I truly love them.

     I would like to see a day when all the bills are paid up to date and I still have money in my pocket. Even though I know my bill collectors wouldn’t know how to act if they couldn’t harass me for money, I might just miss telling them when they threaten collection that I’ve been there and done that. It would be a hardship for them not to have the privilege of winning a free bushel of horse $hit for their trouble or the pleasure of me encouraging them to kiss it. I wish a day would come when my husband wouldn’t have to work so hard, and I could spend most of my days at his side. I would give anything if he could be home more and we still would be able to pay bills and enjoy life. That doesn’t figure in very well when you are paid by the mile and you love to drive a semi truck. If that truck isn’t rolling, there is no money to be had.

     I want to be able to explore the world with my little family. If not Europe and the Caribbean, then Disney World and some of the great travel hot spots in the United States. I want to be able to use my camper as a means of lodging while we travel cross country exploring all the beauty I can find. Since I haven’t been anywhere in years, going any place would be welcome. I love to explore!! I want to make memories with my husband and kids that I can cherish for the rest of my life and document in pictures.

     Most of all I want to live a life filled with laughter. Instead of my cup running over with sadness, I prefer overflowing with happiness. I would accept the daily challenge to find the blessings in each day and be thankful for each one no matter how small and insignificant. A big one on my bucket list is to know deep in my heart when I do die that my family know without a doubt how much I cherished each of them and enjoyed the wild ride of life at their side. That is all I have to say until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

Hindsight 20/20-BFF 144

     While I was growing up my mom would often tell me when things didn’t go my way (which seemed to be more times than not), that everything happens for a reason. It may not be for us to understand now, but down the line the “why” would become clear. The answers I sought wouldn’t reveal themselves in my time, but in G0ds and oftentimes out of every catastrophe knowledge would be gained. I have found this to be very true and when things are going south, I now find solace in the “big picture” knowing that whatever trial I am facing will result in a lesson well learned in the future. There is a reason for everything. When I am ready to be open to the answers I seek, they will be revealed. Even though I try to be optimistic and let go and let G0d, I get impatient and depressed with the cruelty of fate just like everyone else.

     Throughout life we all make choices. Sometimes they aren’t the best choices, but we rush forward anyways completely oblivious. You don’t realize that it is the wrong choice until after it is too late. Friends and relatives will try to beat sense into our noggins only to be rebuffed. Then hindsight sneaks up and takes a juicy bite out of you’re a$$, and you learn from it whether you want to or not. Somehow, someway you learn, and the next time around hopefully turns out a lot better. You make better choices and become more in tune with who you are, what you need, and what you want in life to finally grasp the brass ring of happiness.

  

   Most of us go through life frantically looking for the fairytale to the point we ignore what should have been obvious. You want the happy ever after so badly, you are willing to settle for the first a$$ or option that comes along no matter what your gut instinct tells you. I ignored my ex-husband’s drinking problem, I ignored the drugs, and believed like a complete idiot that once I was married that all that would change and life would be perfect. Even as the first bars of the wedding march began to play, I knew I was making a big mistake. I went right on ahead anyways not having the backbone at the time to run back up the aisle until I seen daylight. People do it all the time. I just didn’t have the balls. I believed in happily ever after in all circumstances.

     Sometimes you want something so badly that you rush into something and by rushing you end up royally screwed and with nothing. Like the house we tried to have built, we didn’t realize at the time we would have been a lot better off renting a house with the land we needed, or even attempting to buy it. No one could tell us different. The contractor in charge of the details filed bankruptcy and we got a royal screwing that left our credit shattered. You can bet, we learned from that mistake and ended up right where we should have all along.

     In hindsight, everything becomes crystal clear and eventually we all end up on the paths we were meant to travel on. We learn the hard way, one way or another, that things are just as they should be for better or for worse. With that said, in hindsight…our outlook becomes 20/20 and our vision for the present and the future becomes a little clearer. Until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

I Love to Laugh!!

     When I was younger, I was quiet, somewhat shy, and very serious.  I didn’t reveal my true personality to many people.  I bottled myself up inside.  Then I went through a season of tears which made me even more introverted.   


      As I got older something changed.  I snapped.  All of a sudden, not only was I a lot more outgoing, but the giggles that had been suppressed for so long seemed to explode from my person.  I discovered a very revealing truth.  I would rather laugh than cry.  For starters, laughing is a hell of a lot more fun, and second…too much boo flipping hooing is not only depressing but it tends to give you a snot nose for the rest of the day.  Who wants that??  After a while, I decided I didn’t.  I no longer wanted to sweat the small stuff.  I am having an uphill battle trying to instill that into my kids.  Don’t sweat the small stuff. Only get worked up over the big stuff.  I mean really, did anyone die??  I found out first hand when my parents died that of all moments in life…that was a good moment to cry your eyes out.  

        The older I get, the funnier I get. People say I am funny even when I am not trying to be funny.  I tend to get the giggles.  I laugh my happy  a$$ off over things that leave other people scratching their heads and wondering.  Well hells bells, isn’t that a lot more fun??  Laugh and the world laughs with you.  They can’t help it, because laughter is contagious.  Cry, bitch, and moan, and you are on your own.  Sad but true.  Of course, there may be those chosen few that will be your shoulder to cry on and your punching bag, but after a while…they will avoid you.  They will get sick of it and be down the road so fast it will make your head swim.

      I choose to laugh, and have become pretty good at finding the humor in just about everything.   I pride myself in being loonier than a toon and one sandwich short of a picnic.  Granted, I do have some semblance of a social feeler.  I can sense who would handle one of my outlandish comments, and who would be wondering why.  It is a gift.  Still sometimes I just don’t give a flying fig and tell it like it is.  In the wake of shock that follows one of my outbursts, I explain it off to the fact that I am pre-menopausal.  Then I get a case of the giggles that is infectious.  If you get me on the phone, well then the social feelers go right out the window and I am at my most outrageous. G0d help the bill collectors and telemarketers that dare to call my house!  Most of them walk away winning a free bushel of horse $hit. Yes, I do pass out those to random people who have the audacity to call me on the phone.

       Anymore, I laugh at just about anything.  If someone startles me, I laugh.  If I see something that strikes me funny, I laugh.  Laughing is good for what ails you!  My dad always used to get really pious and say “Quakers meeting has begun, no more laughing, no more fun, no more chewing gum” and instead of catching the pious bug and acting all straight laced and  uptight like I was supposed to, I would bust a gut.  I simply couldn’t help myself.  It isn’t just what people say, it is the way they say it, or the expression on their face that gets me.  I have also discovered mooning people tends to break up the seriousness of the situation.  Use with extreme caution!!  I only pull that at home, and discriminate who gets that pleasure.  Some folks just wouldn't understand...and most can't handle a little a$$.  After seeing some kids show their shiny moon out of a school bus window, I have been inspired ever since. Laughed so hard I almost wrecked my car that time. 

       I believe I inherited this trait of hilarity from my Dad. That man was hilarious!!  He would come off with the craziest things.  For example, after he had a stroke he was in the hospital and the nurse came into his room and told him she would be taking him for his bath.  My dad gazed up at her with a half smile and read her name tag which said Eileen.  He said to her “Is that your name?”  She smile and replied “Why yes! It is!”  My dad says “If I lean over will you kiss my a$$?”  There was a space of about 5 seconds of silence when she and I looked at him in shocked disbelief.  My jaw dropped, and I just lost it.  I couldn’t help myself, and the laughter was contagious. The nurse claimed no one had ever said anything like that to her before.  I laughed so hard I almost choked on myself and peed my pants!  

     Anyways you get the picture.  Laughter is as uncontrollable to me as breathing. I just got to!  Like Uncle Albert in the classic Disney movie “Mary Poppins”,  I love to laugh and if a person could really float to the ceiling from to much laughter, I would spend the better share of my life laughing myself silly on the ceiling.  We should all be so happy. Try laughing, it is good for what ails you!   Until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

Happiest Moment in Life

    Although I have had several things in my life that sent me over the moon, the challenge is to narrow it down to the one shining moment that stands above all the rest.  With that said, the happiest moment of my life was when I married my best friend, my husband.

     

     If I hadn’t married my husband and best friend, other equally happy moments like the birth of our children or moving into our house would have never occurred.  At this point in my life, all good things followed from that one shining moment.  Love is an amazing thing and can make or break the happiness level in your life.  Until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

Priorities : When We Stand Together

      Get you priorities straight!! Have you ever heard that one before?? Well I have, and it rings through my scattered brain every Friday without fail.   Every time Friday rolls around, I get to revisit where my priorities lie.  I personally hate Fridays.  It is payday, and it is also the day when I have to sit down and figure out to the last penny what will be paid, and what won’t.  There used to be a day when we went and got what we wanted and then paid bills with what was left.  Sadly those days are gone.  Somewhere along the line we became more responsible and kissed the days of living la vita loca goodbye.  Bottom line, every decision I make is made with my husband’s input.  I may do the math and the organization, but I give him final approval even offering several different scenarios. 

       When figuring out where the money is going to go,  I have to prioritize what is the most important for that week, and what to let slide.  For example, you absolutely have to have a place to live.  So the house payment trumps just about everything else.   The vehicle payment must be paid because you need a mode of transportation.  It is a good idea to keep the utilities paid  because truly at 34 degrees or lower, who wants to be without heat?? Not I said the frog.  My truck driving husband thinks his cell phone bill should trump all because he is on the road and needs it desperately.  Actually, I get the necessity of having a cell phone however, T mobile charges one unG0dly amount each month for the privilege of having coverage nationwide, and unlimited everything.  His list of priorities definitely differ from mine on that score.  While I am rooting for internet, internet, internet so I can update my website, he is moaning cell phone, cell phone, cell phone.  When it gets down to it you have to prioritize to ensure you have shelter, warmth, and food for your belly.  Anything else is comes after that.

   

         At the end of the day I eventually get it all figured out.  If this was a perfect world I would be able to tell you that there is enough money for everything and that everything is paid up to date.  Unfortunately, that is just not how life works.  I will say that by the time I have decided on a course of action, I stick to it to the letter and usually feel good about what I was able to accomplish.

        If you are looking for what my priorities are in general, my kids and husband are number 1.  They come first in all instances.  Once everyone else has been taken care of, the bills that are going to be paid are paid, and everyone has what they need…then and only then do I worry about me.  
       
       I will say there are exceptions to that rule too.  For example, when “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2” was released on DVD, you can bet I had my happy a$$ at the store picking up my copy as soon as the doors on my son’s bus had closed and the bus was on its way down the road.  What can I say?  I do have my weaknesses.  When it comes to money, every now and  then I simply can’t resist a small indulgence.  That was one of the rare times I told my husband what I was doing instead of asking his opinion.  On the most part we are aligned in our priorities and I think that is why our marriage works.  When we stand together, we can accomplish anything.  Until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.   

Coming of Age: Saying Bye Bye to Childhood

     What is the moment that you leave childhood and enter adulthood ?? Popular opinion would pin that moment at the graduation of high school at the tender age of 18. Not only are you no longer considered a minor by the laws of the land, but from the moment you throw that cap into the air at graduation you embark on the first day to the rest of your life. But, have you truly entered adulthood at that point?? You can buy cigarettes without any headaches if you have a mind to. You can move out on your own, get married, vote, and enlist into the military. Still, in my mind you are still technically in your teens and still have limitations.

     For example, until you are 21, you can not purchase alcohol or go get soused at a bar. If you want to drive a big rig like my husband does, you have to be 18 to even apply for a CDL license. If you want to haul stuff that could blow up you or someone else on impact, then you have to be 21. By the age of 21, most people who went onto college after high school are ready to embark on the rest of their life and the daunting task of paying back any loans for that education. If you marched off to college, have you really embarked on adulthood yet?? Maybe, maybe not. At that point, you may still be going home to your parents house on breaks. You certainly haven’t got a real 40 hour a week job yet because it took all of your time just to handle school. 21 is considered legal age limit for just about everything else. 

     For myself personally, I can honestly say that true “adulthood” to the point where…”you are on your own” didn’t occur until I married my husband and moved out of my parents house once and for all. That is the reality when the weight of never ending bills and responsibility took over. That is when the $hit hit the fan for me. 

   

       Another growing up wake up call was when I had my first baby. If parenthood wasn’t a mind boggling wake up call that it was time to grow up, mature, and handle life, I don’t know what was. That was when the ability to run around and party, go to movies, concerts, and drop everything to rush to Cedar Point came to a screeching halt. At that point, it was time to wake up, smell the coffee, and settle down if I hadn’t already because I had a sweet helpless being depending on me to handle it. True I was older than most at 32 when my first precious bundle was born, but by then I could really appreciate her. If I had her before that, I may not have been as patient. Besides from about that time on, money has been in short supply.

     Some folks are forced to grow up in a big hurry when they decide to get busy and end up pregnant. Their bodies may be mature enough for such a life altering occurrence, but mentally they may be a long way off. For myself personally, I am glad I waited until I had been married 3 years before my first baby arrived. True, some folks my age didn’t wait and are grandparents today. Mind boggling to be sure. I am thankful I am not one of them.

     So to answer when is the exact moment that you leave your childhood behind, it is as individual of an answer as each human being is different. Sometimes due to our choices and other circumstances, $hit happens, and life takes over. Then you just have to roll with it. Society places the adulthood bar at 21, and upon reflection I would say that on average…that is about right. Until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

My Hometown- BFF 140

      My hometown lies a short 15 miles away from the home of the fighting Irish of the University of Notre Dame.  Is it any wonder that it was almost considered sacrilegious to be doing anything else but rooting the team onto victory on a fall Saturday afternoon??  That was how it was at my house anyways.  My mom was a huge fan and demanded life stopped as we knew it for every football game.  We all dressed in Notre Dame apparel, and celebrated each touchdown as if we had personally won the key to the golden crapper.

        Located 110 miles east of Chicago in the heart of the Midwest, Elkhart was mostly populated by Indians around the turn of the 19th century.  In 1829 the village of Pulaski was established on the northern banks of the St. Joseph River.  A couple years later  Dr. Havilah Beardsley moved from Ohio and purchased a square mile of land from the Potawatomi Indian chief Pierre Moran.  Shortly there after Elkhart was born.  Some say the town was named after Indian chief Elkhart, still others claim it has more to do with the shape of Island park in town.  Because of it’s resemblance of an elk’s heart, a bunch of local artists got together and painted elks that were placed all over the county.  Some of them were really cool and exhibited the true spirit of the community, the industry that gives inhabitants their bread and butter, and the culture.   Recently they were taken down and auctioned off for charity.  Although a noble idea, I would have rather they left the elks where they were.  Unfortunately, no one asked me.  I can honestly say that the Indians packed up their teepees by the time I came along although their influence can still be felt in the names adopted for streets, schools, and shopping centers around town.

    

       I was born at the local hospital in 1968.  Except for a short stint in college and 11 years when I was first married, I have lived in Elkhart all my life.  It is funny.  While in high school, most folks couldn’t wait to get out of town and explore the world.  I was no different.  Still my roots led me back.  My parents  were born and raised here as well, and their presence held the most appeal to me.  I longed to be close to them… and that fact more than anything else drew me back home.

       After living in Nashville, Tennessee I appreciated the fact I knew my home town like the back of my hand.  I didn’t need a road map to find my way from A to B, and I didn’t have to deal with rush hour traffic on the interstate to get where I was going.  Being a person that don’t do change well, it makes sense my life would be lived out here where it began watching my kids grow up in the same landscape I did.    
  
         In the end, I have thrived in the familiar.  Sure it is fun to visit and see other places, but those places will never be home.   I have only lived 4 different places in my life, and I learned when I moved that home was more than a house or the town I lived in.  Home was where my family were and where my heart will always be.  Until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a truckers wife.